I find myself here tonight lost with myself and where I am going in life. I feel this gaping hole in my chest that is preventing me from breathing and having a sense of fresh air or peace. To think that you know someone you have been with for three years only to find that we have two completely different views on...each other. I put in all I could and to come up short is almost like...surrender.. should I start waving my white flag? I don't know why I thought that things could change...even when things were well...not so perfect while you were still here...or..she?
But it isn't only the feeling that I failed but also this taste of being used... almost like she had been using me this whole time until she left and she just so simply...replaced me..or decided i wasn't needed and was insignificant. To think that I was left or abandoned while we were there for one another this whole time and now...I have nothing...no one that understands me the way I feel you understood. How much of it was real understanding...maybe I will never know but the sense of that...confidence...protection... support.. I am lost now. And to think...it all ended over an e-mail... how much worse is that from Joe Jonas? The message isn't even received instantly...and a response..could take hours at the least... Not the most mature ending I would think.. and talk about giving me the respect...bringing things up like this distance helped me realize we need to both grow up apart... take some pride and own up to the matter instead of trying to justify that you just don't feel the same! I think the thing that bugs me most is that she never owned up to any of it... Oh how many times I have been in this situation when I say these things in hopes of some sort of realization but instead all I get is..nothing.
I have become confused with how I am feeling... angry...upset? sad? disappointed? I know that time heals all wounds...and though I have no idea what I want to do at this point... I know that holding it all in does nothing...
It has come to my realization that the only people who write blogs are those who have no one else to talk to about their problems...or those that want everyone to know their problems so they can take the sense of support from others. Clearly being out of a three year relationship I write this because I have no one else....haha I guess that's where my growing up begins...
What is said is said...and what is done is done. Now its time to figure out where I'm going.... Water under the bridge....there is nothing you can do about it...so let it go.
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